I stood in the shower, feeling the warm water running down my back turn cold. I just didn't have the courage to face Felix and I'm sure as hell he didn't have the courage to face me. I finally just got out of the shower when the piercing ice water was too much for me and stood in my bathroom, shaking from when the cold air hit me. I grabbed my towel from the sink and began drying my hair and body. As soon as that was done, I put on my clothes that I had wore into the bathroom and placed the towel in the hamper. I was looking at the bathroom door, trying to keep my calm so I can go out.
C'mon, Ryan! Be a man! Be a man for this one simple thing! I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it when he kissed you!
I sighed and unlocked the bathroom door before twisting the knob to get out. My breath was getting ragged as the door swung slowly open and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. As I looked down the hallways to see if anyone was there, I heard a crash come from my kitchen. Scared that something happened to Felix, I darted out of the bathroom and ran into my kitchen. I gasped in horror when I seen that Felix was sitting on the floor, covered in blood with a knife in his chest.
"Felix!" I yelled, dashing up beside him.
Felix didn't seem to hear me as he just stared at the floor. I began to shake him over and over again. He just wouldn't look at me or see what I wanted.
"Felix you asshole! Answer me!" I yelled, shaking him harder.
"R...Ryan...? Felix finally asked after about a minute of me shaking him.
"Yes, you dick!" I yelled, "What the hell, man?! What happened?!".
Felix stood up and removed the knife from his chest before dropping it on the ground. I stared up at him in disbelief.
What the hell did he do to himself?!
"Sorry, Ryan" Felix said, not looking at me, "I just...Nevermind...".
I immediately jumped up on my feet and looked at him, "What the hell were you trying to do?! Kill yourself?!".
Felix didn't answer me. He just kept looking at the ground. Then it dawned on me.
"You...You WERE trying to kill yourself, weren't you...?" I asked.
Felix immediately looked up at me, his eyes filled with sadness. It actually surprised me a bit.
"Why else would I have a knife in my chest, Ryan?" Felix asked, "I've just been fucking up everything ever since I became the monster I am and I don't want to live knowing that I've been ruining everything for the people I care about. I-It just feels so...so...bad!".
"Why the hell would you say that about yourself?!" I asked, grabbing his shoulders, "You haven't been fucking anything up!".
"Yeah...I have been fucking everything up" Felix said, ignoring me, "I fucked up. I fucked up bad. If I hadn't went after Maya then maybe I'd still be human. Maybe if I hadn't told you what I am, then we would still be laughing about some random shit. If I hadn't had kissed you, then you wouldn't think I'm a monster. Just one fucked up monster...".
"I've really had enough of you calling yourself a monster" I said.
"But I am a monster. I'm just one fucked up mon--".
Before I let him finish that sentence, I crashed our lips together. I don't know why I did it, but I just couldn't stand for Felix to call himself a monster anymore. It just pissed me off even more, so I had to find a way to stop him from calling himself a monster...
This actually seemed like the perfect way to stop him